like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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