I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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