as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
