Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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