i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
