my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
