its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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