You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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