there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
