From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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