I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
