I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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