I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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