and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
