A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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