Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
