In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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