we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
