She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
