It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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