My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
