i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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