I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
