so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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