I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
