At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
