I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
