I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
