She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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