Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
