went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
