I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize