did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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