Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
