Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
third nipple confirmed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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