My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
