Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
