I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize