I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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