Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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