you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
