that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
