I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
