your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
