Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
