If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
