Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
