Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
