Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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