I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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