his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
