I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize