wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
