wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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