you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
