New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize