she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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