I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
