i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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