That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
