someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize