My liver just broke up with me...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
