Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
