ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
