my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
