i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
