I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
