So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
