When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
