Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
