I've blown a few things in my day
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
