i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize