She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
