I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
