The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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