the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
