My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
