you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
