i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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