and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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