i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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