i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize