just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
