i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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