im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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