When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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