yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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