Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
