I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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