I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
