my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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