Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
