nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
