i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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