She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
