Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize