last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
