my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
