Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize