I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
