if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
