smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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